(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
suchagaymer: jerkidiot: if you eat a chicken and egg sandwich, you’re basically eating one thing at different times of its life like when you eat a baby and an elderly person at the same time.
mskneesocks: you’re the only one who understands me google
cliterallysame: “I didn’t unfollow you, tumblr did”
bandbutts: If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore
rabioheab: dear diary, i finally got to 15 followers on tumblr. i’m trying really hard to not let the fame get to my head but it’s difficult. today some lady at the supermarket asked me if i wanted paper or plastic bags and i just f*****cking lost it i am too famous for her questions. i can’t believe i haven’t been asked to do a magazine cover yet. i feel like it is coming soon.
band-nonsense: tessaviolet: peachofcake: tessaviolet: i’m tupac on the inside. tupac is dead. exactly. well this is more emotional than expected
makeitzayn: makeitzayn: we have a photo of louis wearing a snapback…the pentagram is complete
thetoolazytothinkupacoolnameblog: purpbanga: folie-a-tout: heyaeya: dameofspace: pandyssian: OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW TO THE KNEE WAS AN OLD NORDIC SLANG FOR GETTING MARRIED I THOUGHT THAT ALL THOSE GUYS IN SKYRIM HAD LITERALLY BEEN SHOT IN THEIR KNEES WITH ARROWS BUT I GUESS NOT And at that moment, the foundation of that entire meme became something like this: THAT...
thepensivebrony: “you shouldn’t be depressed, people have it worse than you” finally, after years of searching, the person with the worst life ever is found. formally, they are granted permission to be sad. but only them. only they have earned it. no sads for anyone else at all ever
efferescent: remember when a girl from my school wore a dress the same color as the green screen at prom oh yes her date did too
colfersaurusrex: Alright I think it’s time for some fuckin pocahontas Read More
internetexplorers: *subtle hints of self hatred in everything i say*
krawkward: theswampghoul: how much can one hint that their character is a flaming homosexual without getting a warning on neopets
DiCaprio and Mulligan, meanwhile, don’t seem like star-crossed lovers so much as...– People Magazine’s review on ‘The Great Gatsby’ (via horologists)