tomato needles

jyu-vi0le-grace: Ball so hard

Wed, 22 May 2013 16:56:13 -0500

Ball so hard

(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)

Wed, 22 May 2013 16:52:09 -0500

(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)

Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”

Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”

Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”

Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”

(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

suchagaymer: jerkidiot: if you eat a chicken and egg sandwich, you’re basically eating one thing...

Wed, 22 May 2013 16:16:14 -0500

suchagaymer:

jerkidiot:

if you eat a chicken and egg sandwich, you’re basically eating one thing at different times of its life

like when you eat a baby and an elderly person at the same time.

Photo

Wed, 22 May 2013 16:15:45 -0500

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Wed, 22 May 2013 16:13:51 -0500

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Wed, 22 May 2013 16:12:38 -0500

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Wed, 22 May 2013 16:09:39 -0500

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Wed, 22 May 2013 15:34:35 -0500

mskneesocks: you’re the only one who understands me google

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:33:05 -0500

mskneesocks:

you’re the only one who understands me google

oopsfuckproductions:

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:31:53 -0500

oopsfuckproductions:

naziofficeparty: jesus christ

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:31:24 -0500

naziofficeparty:

jesus christ

doctorcanon: cmcross: No, you don’t understand. This actually...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:30:43 -0500

doctorcanon:

cmcross:

No, you don’t understand.

This actually happens.

We got a 16 year old boy on our unit once, because Pediatrics was full, and it’s about 1 in the morning and all the nurses are at the nurses station having a break and we’re all talking and having a laugh and then all of a sudden this kids heart monitor just goes CRAZY.

So we call the code and I grab the crash cart and about 6 of us just take off running down the hall and we bust in the room and this kid is just sitting there with his hand around his junk looking MORTIFIED.

So we just sort of backed out of the room quietly, walked calmly to the stairwell, and had a total and complete hysterical breakdown.

It was the funniest shit ever.

Omigod so many nurses have told me stories like these.

cliterallysame: “I didn’t unfollow you, tumblr did”

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:29:48 -0500

cliterallysame:

“I didn’t unfollow you, tumblr did”

thegrlnxtdoorandhergingerfriend: My AP euro teacher wouldn’t...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:27:31 -0500

thegrlnxtdoorandhergingerfriend:

My AP euro teacher wouldn’t let our class watch Les Mis so we barricaded the door and screamed “VIVE LA REVOLUCIÓN” when he tried to get in.

bandbutts: If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:24:03 -0500

bandbutts:

If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore

ipoog: do you think the museum will accept this as a fossil

Sun, 19 May 2013 22:46:26 -0500

ipoog:

do you think the museum will accept this as a fossil

turnoversfordessert: NO BUT THIS IS HILARIOUS SHE WAS IN BRIDGE...

Sun, 19 May 2013 22:24:50 -0500

turnoversfordessert:

NO BUT THIS IS HILARIOUS SHE WAS IN BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA

rabioheab: dear diary, i finally got to 15 followers on tumblr. i’m trying really hard to not let...

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:39:57 -0500

rabioheab:

dear diary,

i finally got to 15 followers on tumblr. i’m trying really hard to not let the fame get to my head but it’s difficult. today some lady at the supermarket asked me if i wanted paper or plastic bags and i just f*****cking lost it i am too famous for her questions. i can’t believe i haven’t been asked to do a magazine cover yet. i feel like it is coming soon.

teenytigress: SO THIS GUY IN MY ENGLISH IS DOING A PROJECT FOR...

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:28:07 -0500

teenytigress:

SO THIS GUY IN MY ENGLISH IS DOING A PROJECT FOR BIO WHERE HE GETS A DUCKLING TO IMPRINT ON HIM SO HE JUST CARRIES IT AROUND WITH HIM TO ALL OF HIS CLASSES AND I SWEAR THIS DUCK IS THE MOST WELL BEHAVED FUCKING POULTRY IVE EVER SEEN IT JUST SITS ON HIS DESK QUIETLY AND SOMETIMES HE PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET AND IT JUST SLEEPS LIKE WOW YOU GO DUCKY

band-nonsense: tessaviolet: peachofcake: tessaviolet: i’m tupac on the inside. tupac is...

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:18:34 -0500

band-nonsense:

tessaviolet:

peachofcake:

tessaviolet:

i’m tupac on the inside.

tupac is dead.

exactly.

well this is more emotional than expected